Thoughts!

  Communication!!

So I have been a very bad communicator in my past relationships, I never said or asked my bf's, friends or family if they I don't like something. You get this when you are the eldest sibling in the family. But being a learner I thought I should fix this and communicate. So when I got married and started my second innings I always thought that I will have a very cordial husband wife relationship with my husband and not the typical Indian one. And I did. But eventually I realised my better half is not able to cope up or catch up with that. He is still stuck in the era of competition between spouses, giving silent treatment, no communication, no initiatives. With each passing days and years I am tired now. 

I kept trying but every now and then I found my self as someone who did bad just because I raised my voice or cried a lot. Of course, he is not able to handle that as well. I always thought may be I expect too much from people specially when they are family or loved ones. And it seems to be true. As they say. "You only accept love you think you deserve" and for me I accept only all, coz I give my All and therefore   I want ALL.

Don't know when the society will understand that doing bare minimum is very minimum. I surely don't want that. So I am crying, you can be barely with me. No talking, just stay there, not asking but sitting. Its like there is a dead body beside you, and when you sit aside a dead body it does not matter what you do now. 

I always asked myself, Is too much to ask? You will say I overthink. MayBe. 

Or haan, If I ask questions or fight, ye chi bola jaega ki you are making things worse. 

Indian society never let their son grow up, mera ladla, mera beta ..or kuch chal nhi rha ho theek to uski Shaadi kr do apne app say theek hoga...WTF. Teach them being responsible, being emotionally available, sharing things, doing house chores. But No Raja Beta deserves everything. 

I may sound Feminist and all but it gotta stop, and it needs to be done by the society. Communicate if you don't like something, communicate and talk, if you really want a paradise then stop pretending and create the damn paradise. 

It is very frustrating for anyone in any sort of relationship where there is no communication, where there are no efforts, where there is no emotional availability of a person, where is a lot of indirect blames, where there are no initiatives, where everything you say and ask is a NO. NOTHING.